Merge Into You
by damien455
Summary: Chapter 8 uploaded! Sequel to Love Is Not A Crime. Nick and Greg deal with the aftermath of Grave Danger as well as maintaining a stable relationship. NickGreg slash. GSR. Hints at CW. Review!
1. Moving Forward

_**Merge Into You**_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Spoilers**: Grave Danger mostly and bits.

**Summary**: This is the sequel to "Love Is Not A Crime". I would advise reading that prior to this. This story takes place one month after Grave Danger. Nick and Greg move on past the events of Nick's kidnapping with a few setbacks and more lab drama will ensue!

Chapter One: **_Moving Forward _**

Date: June 30, 2005

You're not alone

Together we stand

I'll be by your side

You know I'll take your hand

When it gets cold

And it feels like the end

There's no place to go you know I won't give in

_Avril Lavigne, "Keep Holding On"_

The sun was up for maybe an hour when Greg returned to his home. He dragged his feet as he opened the door to his and Nick's house that connected the garage to an inside hallway next to the kitchen.

Greg just got done working a double shift which resulted in no answers. Grissom sent him home because he was tired and worried. He was worried about his boyfriend. He knew he had nothing to worry about, after all Nick was strong and in therapy but it was the fact that Judge and Mrs. Stokes were staying with him until they deemed it necessary for Nick to be alone without them. Little did they know that Greg was ready for them to leave?

He passed through the kitchen where the early morning light peaked through the window. He threw his jacket; ID badge and a case file down on the table. He let out a strong yawn and headed towards the stairs.

There home was simple. Not over the top but not white trash. He was so happy that Nick had splurged on this home. It was everything he could ever imagine. A two car garage, a kitchen, living room, an office, a dining room, a bathroom and a walk in pantry all on the first floor, it was spectacular. Upstairs was nice too. The master bedroom with two walk in closets, and a private bathroom. Two guest bedrooms and another bathroom. It was what he was looking for in his life with Nick.

Greg continued down the hall of the second floor towards his bedroom. He past the guest room where Judge and Mrs. Stokes were sleeping. Greg pressed his ear to the door and listened quietly. He could hear the faint snoring of Nick's father. One eye roll and small snicker later, he was in his bedroom.

Nick was curled up in the middle of the queen bed, his faint snores invading Greg's eardrums. He noticed the lamp on Nick's nightstand was still on. Undoubtedly, Nick was afraid to sleep alone in the dark again. Greg walked over and turned the lamp off and turned the blinds opened just a little bit. A few beams of light peaked through giving enough light to keep Nick safe. He looked down and saw Nick's nightstand. It was always neat. The lamp in the upper left corner, a coaster with a half full glass of water in the upper right corner. On the far left side was a novel he was reading: "Profiles in Courage" by the late John F. Kennedy Sr. Nick had read that book three times since they got together over a year ago but Greg understood that it was an important glimpse into courage that perhaps would help Nick move on. There was also a photograph of the two in Texas framed. Also lay there was his watch, cell phone and the remote for the television. And the worst thing of all: his gun. Greg picked the gun up and took the bullet out of the barrel and reloaded it back into the magazine before switching the safety on and placing it into Nick's nightstand drawer next to the Bible, a box of condoms and his checkbook.

Nick was topless underneath their white sheets. His face buried into his pillow. Their blue comforter was in a tangled mess at the foot of their bed. Greg stepped over it and went to his side of the room. His nightstand was not as organized as Nicky's was. It was covered in forensic journals, two empty water glasses, an actual alarm clock with red numbers they had to buy that one because the old one had green numbers, and a picture of the two of them at Sara's wedding. He reached into his nightstand drawer, which was a FEMA sized disaster and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He grabbed one and put the pack back and headed into their bathroom.

A crying fit and a cigarette later, he unbuttoned his white oxford shirt and threw it on the love seat that was in front of their picture window in the room which faced the street. He then continued to throw his tee shirt and pants over there as well. He set the alarm clock and climbed into the warm bed.

Greg gently curled up next to Nick and kissed his boyfriend on the forehead before nestling himself comfortably under the sheet and along side his boyfriend's backside. Placing his left arm over Nick's waist, he gently swept off into a deep sleep.

Greg jolted awake at the sound of his alarm clock at six that night. He sat up in the bed and looked around. Nick was not in bed. The skies outside were already dark and the night light was on. Greg let out an aggravated yawn and climbed out of bed. He looked at the loveseat and saw that his clothes from the night before were folded neatly. He let out a small smile and walked over to his closet and walked in.

He was not the most organized person in the world but with a closet this big it was hard not to keep everything organized. The right side was tee shirts and work shirts on hangers. The other side was jeans, khakis and suits. The back wall was shoes. He pulled out a Marilyn Manson tee shirt off a hanger and a pair of loose jeans. He would shower and dress more appropriately for work later on that night.

Ten minutes later, Greg entered the kitchen to see Nick standing over the stove. He was shower, shaved, and was wearing his glasses. Something was up.

"Hey." Greg said to Nick's back.

The Texan turned around and looked at Greg, "Good night."

"Funny." Greg smirked and the two kissed.

"Why are you all dressed?" the younger man asked.

"I'm going to work." Nick said as he stirred boiling water that had pasta in it.

"Merritt cleared you for work?" Greg asked sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar.

"No." Nick said as he added salt to the water.

"So you're basically just showing up?"

"Yeah." Nick said.

"Nicky, Grissom will not let you into the field until Addison clears you."

"I know that." Nick said sarcastically.

"Alright." Greg said rolling his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes." Nick said his back still to Greg.

"Where are your parents?" Greg asked switching subjects.

"They went out to catch dinner and a show. It's their anniversary today."

"I didn't know that." Greg said, "I would have gotten them something."

"And they would have given back, trust me. It's best if we don't make a fuss about it, not to mention our phone has been ringing off the hook today." Nick said putting the pasta in a skillet of meat sauce.

"Who called?"

"All of my siblings." Nick laughed.

"Look at you, cooking. It's rather sexy." Greg smiled.

Nick laughed. They had not been intimate in over month.

"It's been thirty-three days." Greg smiled sexily.

'You kept track?" Nick asked as he put the pot of pasta on their kitchen table.

"The last time was the night that you know." Greg said feeling stupid. Neither was able to put words to the situation.

"I know. I thought about it while I was down there."

"I love Nicholas Jasper Stoke!" Greg said lovingly.

"You did not just use my middle name!" Nick said playfully.

"Oh, I do believe I did!" Greg said, knowing exactly what the wanted to happen was going to.

"You're dead!" Nick smiled as he went over and grabbed Greg.

At the Lab

"Hey, Gil! How's Elliot?" Catherine asked excitedly as she joined Grissom and Warrick in the break room.

"Everything is great. He's a real crier." Gil laughed as he sat down in between the pair.

"How's Sara enjoying maternity leave?" Warrick asked with a smile.

"Eh, let's just say I've thought about sedating her."

"Figured as much." Catherine said as she reached forward and received a ten dollar bill from Warrick.

"Does this lab bet on everything?" Grissom asked in amazement.

"Not the lab, just our shift." Catherine said with a wide smile.

"Whoa! Look what the cat dragged in!" Warrick exclaimed out of nowhere.

Catherine and Grissom looked behind them and saw Greg and Nick walking into the break room. "And look at those glasses!" Catherine snickered.

"Nice to see you to, Catherine." Nick let out a snicker himself.

It was always weird to see Nick in glasses. Since childhood he has been self conscious about them, but since being buried alive and having had his contacts in the entire time down there, the pain was too much so he decided to stick with his glasses at least for a little while.

"Nicky, you know you can't work in the field just yet." Grissom pointed out, shaking his hand.

"I know, but I was hoping maybe I can help in the lab? I miss work so much, and it's my parent's anniversary tonight, so yeah." Nick smirked.

"Gross." Warrick and Greg said in unison. Nick shot them both the "I'll kick your ass look".

"That's fine, Nick. You could help Wendy in DNA."

"Sure thing, boss man." Nick smiled a genuine smile.

And for the first time in a month, everything seemed to be looking up.

**There's the first chapter! I hope you all liked it and will continue!! Thank you and REVIEW!!! Damien455.**


	2. I'll Stand By You

_**Merge Into You**_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Spoilers**: Grave Danger mostly and bits of other season 1-5 episodes.

**Summary**: This is the sequel to "Love Is Not A Crime". I would advise reading that prior to this. This story takes place one month after Grave Danger. Nick and Greg move on past the events of Nick's kidnapping with a few setbacks and more lab drama will ensue!

Chapter Two: **_I'll Stand by You_**

Date: June 30, 2005 / July 1, 2005

So if you're mad, get mad  
Don't hold it all inside  
Come on and talk to me now  
Hey, what you got to hide?  
I get angry too  
Well I'm a lot like you  
When you're standing at the crossroads  
And don't know which path to choose  
Let me come along  
cause even if you're wrong  
Ill stand by you

_The Pretenders, I'll Stand by You_

Addison Merritt walked briskly through the halls of the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Her brown hair was in a tight ponytail. She wore the usual pants suit and heels, this time a nice cream color. She carried a large black Prada tote; her ID badge swinging as she walked. After what seemed like hours of looking, she finally found Nick.

Nick was in the locker room rifling through his coat. His brow scrunched as he looked through the coat. He finally found what he needed: his anxiety medicine. He popped a pill and looked at the ceiling in relief. It was his first night back and he was stuck processing in DNA with Wendy. Greg and Catherine were out on their case from the night before; Warrick was with Grissom on a 419 on the desert. And where was he? Stuck in the lab.

"Nick?" Addison asked popping her head into the locker room.

Nick looked at the brunette psychologist through his glasses.

"Do you have a minute? I was thinking maybe we can sit down and talk? Maybe even get some clearance for you?" She smiled and couldn't help but notice the smile growing on Nick's face. "Sure."

The two were sitting in her office. She was sitting not behind her desk but in the seat next to him. Her legs crossed and a clipboard with a legal pad in her lap.

"Anything you say is of course confidential. However, if I find you not cleared for field work Ecklie will be informed but with my discretion. Nothing you say will go back to him or any other member of this lab." She started off with and Nick nodded his agreement and understanding.

"How are you sleeping, Nick?" she asked.

"Okay, I guess. I still have nightmares." He said looking down at the ground.

"Understandable. How do you combat these nightmares?" she asked.

"I sleep with my bedside light on every night and I keep my loaded gun on my nightstand."

"Do you think that this could happen again? Possibly from your own home?"

"Yes."

"Nick, do you feel safe in your home?" she asked looking at him through her glasses.

"Only during the day." He said weakly.

"Because you're afraid of the dark?"

"Because Greg isn't home at night and I worry."

"You worry about Greg? His safety perhaps?"

Nick nodded his head lightly.

"Is there anything about that night you wish to talk about?"

"No. I don't mean to be rude, Addison, but I've been through all this with my psychiatrist."

"Did he or she prescribe anything?"

"Yes, a mild antidepressant and some medicine for anxiety."

"Do you feel anxious?"

"At night mostly and today."

"Why today, Nick, if I can ask?"

"Being back here is weird. I haven't been here since my you know."

"Nick, do you say the words kidnapping or abduction when you're home?"

"No, and Greg doesn't either."

Addison nodded her head and jotted something down.

"How has Greg taken to this?"

"He's been a champ, really. He is so caring and supportive. He doesn't care that the lights on or that my parents are still here. He loves me, and I couldn't make it through this without him."

"Understandable, do you know how Greg reacted when he found out?"

"No, we don't like to talk about that day unless we're in therapy."

"Is Greg in therapy?"

"Yes, he had a breakdown when I came home."

"Is he on anything?"

"Nothing prescribed. He's been smoking a lot more, which irks me but I let him have his space when it comes to his dealing. Although I would appreciate it if he stopped smoking in our bathroom."

Addison let out a small laugh.

"How did Greg react?" it was his turn to ask the questions.

"He lost it. He tried so hard to be strong, but no one believed it. None of us did."

"He's a bad liar."

"You would know, Nick. It was in those hours that we all truly saw just how much you mean to him."

Nick got a tear in the eye.

"Nick, what did you say in the box on the tape?"

"Goodbye to everyone, and thank you."

"Thank you?"

"For trying."

"And Greg?"

"I didn't say anything. I couldn't bear the thought of saying goodbye, especially if I had you know with the you know."

"Of course, Nick, I understand."

"Are we almost done?" Nick asked uncomfortably.

"Yeah, we're done. You'll receive a letter by end of shift with my decision."

"Thank you Addison. Thank you!" Nick smiled his Texan smile and shook her hand.

Nick was eagerly awaiting the end of shift to get his letter from Addison concerning his clearance. He had helped Wendy process DNA all night and was beginning to feel bored with his life. He had never been one for the lab rat life. That was Greg's niche for so long and he loved it but seeing him flourish as a CSI was amazing too.

"Nick, have you seen Conrad?" a voice asked Nick's back. Nick turned around and saw Dr. Alex Holt, the medical examiner that joined their ranks the previous November.

"Surprisingly, no I have not seen him. Anything I can help with?" Nick asked eagerly wanting to do something other than cutting swabs and testing for DNA.

"Maybe, as you know Robbins went on three week sabbatical and I've been covering for him and what not, and Conrad told my office to have me do a post on a body and have the COD to him in the morning."

"What do you need me for?" Nick asked.

"Hold on, as I was saying, Conrad sends in the body under the instruction that I have it to him by sunup, that was seven hours ago, and here I am with the COD."

"Seven hours?" Nick asked baffled.

"Sixty stab wounds I finally found the fatal one."

"Good times, I don't even think Ecklie is in right now. It's two thirty in the morning after all."

'Well, can you point me in the right direction of his office?"

"You've never been to Ecklie's office?" Nick laughed.

"I prefer the dead when it comes to him."

Nick let out a heavier, more hearty laugh, "Go past ballistics and take a right at the QD lab then it's right there on the left by Catherine's office."

"Thanks, Nick oh and welcome back!" Alex smiled and walked away.

"Thanks, Alex, it is good to be back!"

Nick let out a long sigh and sat back down at the table he was working at. Wendy was on her fifteen minute break and he had nothing to do. And he had nothing to do until almost three forty-five when Greg walked through the door, physically exhausted.

"Hey sweetheart, how was everything?" Greg asked Nick as he took a seat next to the older Texan.

"Good, now I'm just awaiting clearance from Addison."

"Good." Greg smiled lightly. As he reached forward and placed a kiss on Nick's lips.

"You were smoking, weren't you?" Nick asked as he tasted tobacco.

Greg remained silent.

"I don't care, Greg. I really don't, at least not as much as I use to."

"Where did you put my real boyfriend?" Greg joked.

"Smart ass." Nick said with a chuckle as the two both got quiet at the same time and saw Addison walking towards the DNA lab. A white letter sized envelope which has Nick's current future in her hand.

"Here you go, Nick." Addison smiled kindly and handed him the letter. Good sign? And she was gone as fast as she came.

Nick looked into Greg's eyes and Greg did the same. Nick took a deep breath and reached for the back of the letter.

"No matter what I'll stand by you." Greg whispered lightly as Nick tore the back of the envelope. He pulled out the folded paper and began reading to himself.

"And?" Greg asked excitedly.

Nick read aloud, "Mr. Nicholas Stokes, After reviewing the facts of the case in which you were required to attend counseling, I find you…"

**REVIEW please! The Next chapter will be up soon!!!! Thanks!**


	3. Selfish

_**Merge Into You**_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Spoilers**: Grave Danger mostly and bits of other season 1-5 episodes.

**Summary**: This is the sequel to "Love Is Not A Crime". I would advise reading that prior to this. This story takes place one month after Grave Danger. Nick and Greg move on past the events of Nick's kidnapping with a few setbacks and more lab drama will ensue!

**WARNING**: There is strong language in this chapter and some inferred violence.

Chapter Two: **_Selfish _**

Date: July 1, 2005

I think about the years I spent just passing through  
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there you understand  
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Rascal Flats, _"Bless the Broken Road"_

Nick read aloud, "Mr. Nicholas Stokes, After reviewing the facts of the case in which you were required to attend counseling, I find you…"

Nick looked at the paper. His eyes focused through his glasses. He was no longer reading aloud and Greg started to worry. His hand in his pocket was fumbling with his beaten pack of butts.

"Nick?" Greg asked putting his free hand on Nick's forearm.

"I was cleared."

"Oh my god, honey that is amazing!" Greg said excitedly.

"With conditions."

"What does that mean?" Greg asked reaching for the letter which Nick handed over to him.

"It's conditional clearance for three months then I have to go through another session with Addison." Nick said weakly.

"In other words, it's like probation?" Greg offered and up Nick nodded his head.

"The conditions aren't that bad though. You can't work kidnappings, missing persons, abductions of any sort and you aren't allowed into dark rooms, such as basements, storage rooms etc." Greg said reading from the letter, oblivious.

Nick was sitting down on the desk now. His breathing was ragged and deep. His eyes dilated and focusing their attention on the window.

"Oh shit, Nicky, I'm sorry! I forgot!" Greg hurriedly apologized.

"It's okay. We can't live the rest of our lives not saying those words."

"We can try?" Greg said with a slight twist of sarcasm.

Nick laughed a little, "I know why I'm on conditional clearance."

"Why is that?"

"Because I can't say those words, I sleep with a nightlight and a loaded gun not to mention the fact that anything that glows green makes me shit my pants."

"It's not your fault, baby."

"I know that, I just wish everything wasn't so –."

"So, what?" Greg's chocolate browns looking into Nick's chocolate browns.

"Hard." Nick said weakly and lost it. Tears escaped, stinging his eyes.

Greg pulled Nick into a deep hug and he started to sob more heavily onto Greg's shoulder.

"It'll be okay." Greg cooed as he patted his boyfriend's back.

"Everything will be okay." Once more with the cooing and patting.

"When will everything be okay? Tell me that!" Nick exclaimed angrily through a sob.

"Soon, babe, everything will be okay soon." Greg said, not believing his words. Nick was losing it and Greg couldn't stand it.

"You promise?" Nick asked, his teary eyes looking at Greg.

Greg looked a Nick. "How do I promise that?" he thought to himself.

Greg nodded, thinking a verbal answer would require conviction, something he wasn't sure he had himself.

"Thank you." Nick said to Greg as he wiped his tears.

"Now, why don't you go talk to Grissom?" Greg suggested, and Nick complied. Kissing Greg on the cheek and picking up the letter and went on his way to find the boss.

Greg let out a large sigh and headed out himself. He walked through the lab and right out the front doors. He looked around and closed his eyes. He sat down on one of the steps and lit his cigarette. He took a deep drag and let his tears overcome him.

He stared at the lights of the city and a few cars that drove by. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was only three in the morning. Another drag in and an exhale out. The early morning heat embraced his skin. His tears came heavier as his mind was reeling with the stress, exhaustion and annoyance.

"Fuck you, Gordon. I hope you're burning in the fires of hell." He said to the humid air. He was angry with Walter Gordon and Kelly Gordon. He hated them. A man who has never hated anyone before hated someone. He didn't like feeling like this. It wasn't who he was. He was never hateful, but he couldn't help it.

"Greg?" a voice came from behind him. Greg wiped the tears from his eyes and turned to see Catherine.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I was about to start processing and Judy said she saw you walk out here."

"Yeah, sorry about that I am just thinking." Greg said as he finished his cigarette and pulled out another one and repeated the process: light, inhale, exhale.

"You need to stop smoking." She said sitting next to him.

"Not right now though." He gave her his best I'm okay smile.

"It's Nick, isn't it?"

Greg remained silence. "I heard he got conditional clearance."

"That he did." Greg said nonchalantly.

"I don't know what to do, Cath."

Catherine raised her eyebrows.

"This whole kidnapping thing as changed everything between us. We don't talk as much as we use to. We had sex tonight for the first time since our anniversary. He sleeps with the light on and with a loaded gun next to us. He cries in the shower and thinks I can't hear him. He attempts to live his life like nothing happened. I'm just frustrated."

"That's understandable, Greg. He had a life changing event happen to him."

"I just want things to be like they were."

"Greg, isn't that a bit selfish?" Catherine offered.

"Is wanting to be happy selfish?"

"Of course not, but Nick has to deal with his demons before everything is okay."

"Nick lost his zest for life. He feels like he has nothing to live for."

"He said this?" Catherine asked.

"No, but I can tell. He was always happy even after Crane. He was okay, he dealt. But this, this changed everything. Gordon fucked us up."

"Gordon is dead now, honey."

"And in hell, hopefully. I swear if I ever see Kelly Gordon, I will put a bullet in her head and turn my self in with a smile" Greg said seriously.

"Gregory, don't talk like that!" Catherine scolded. "What her father did was wrong we all know that and we all hate him for it. But to talk about killing someone is not the answer ever."

"This coming from the woman who told Eddie's girlfriend she was going to put her in the ground."

"That was different. Lindsay's life was at stake."

"And Nick's wasn't? Do you know how I felt when I saw Nick, the man I love, the man I share everything with put a gun to his chin with every intention of blowing his head off? Do you, Catherine? I didn't feel helpless and I wasn't even angry! I was relieved because it would end his suffering! Do you know how that feels watching your boyfriend ready to end his life and all you can think about is, Go for it because you won't suffer! I basically told my boyfriend to kill himself!" Greg yelled.

Catherine was in shock. She had no idea that Greg had felt like this.

"Don't tell me I'm selfish, when I was ready to give up on him!" Greg said with anger and stood up and walked away.

Catherine sat on the steps…tears in her eyes.

**Read and review please!!**


	4. To Understand

_**Merge Into You**_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Spoilers**: Grave Danger mostly and bits of other season 1-5 episodes.

**Summary**: This is the sequel to "Love Is Not A Crime". I would advise reading that prior to this. This story takes place one month after Grave Danger. Nick and Greg move on past the events of Nick's kidnapping with a few setbacks and more lab drama will ensue!

**WARNING**: There is strong language in this chapter and some inferred violence.

Chapter Four: **_To Understand _**

Date: July 1, 2005

I know you have questions  
same ones as me  
How long has it been?  
How long will it be?  
When will come the morning  
to drive the night away?  
Tell me when will come the morning  
of a brighter day?

Dreamgirls_, "Patience"_

Catherine walked through the halls of the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks wet with tears. Her mind was reeling over Greg's confession of lost hope. She couldn't believe her ears when she heard Greg admit that he wanted Nick to kill himself if they couldn't save him. Greg blamed himself.

Now the question was what to do? She should tell Nick? What about Grissom, does he need to know? She was at a loss.

She walked by the break room and saw Nick, Warrick and Greg. Greg was sitting on the couch, silent; while Nick and Warrick laughed at a story Warrick was telling.

"Hey guys." Catherine said with her best smile.

"Hey, Catherine!" Nick smiled happily. The thought of seeing Nick smile made her question whether or not it was a genuine smile.

"Hey Nicky, what are you guys up to?"

"Just relaxing! And waiting for a homicide to go in so I can finally get back into the field." Nick exclaimed happily, and that smile she knew was authentic. She cast her glance over to Greg who was looking at the three.

"So, Greg, care to process with me?"

Greg nodded and stood up.

"G, is everything okay?" Nick asked.

"Fine." He lied.

Nick looked at him funny. "Warrick, Catherine, could you two excuse of a minute, please?" Nick said in his serious tone, and Greg rolled his eyes.

Warrick and Catherine getting the hint left. Warrick continued walking towards the AV lab and Catherine stood by the door, listening.

"What's wrong?" Nick asked.

"Nothing, everything is fine." Greg lied.

"Bull, you're being quiet and you have that tone."

"What tone?" Greg asked.

"The tone where you're lying. I know you have been crying."

"How do you know that?" Greg asked in a defiant tone.

"Because you're left eye is bloodshot. You only get bloodshot in your left eye when you cry."

"How did you know that?" Greg asked.

"Because, I know you, and I know something is bothering you."

"Nick, I don't want to talk about it."

"We have to talk about it especially if it's about you know what!"

"Of course it is! Everything is about you know what! I want everything to be like it was!" Greg said loudly.

"It takes time, you told me that yourself."

Greg let out a sigh that sounded more of a scoff. Nick glared at Greg, angrily.

"You are the one pushing me to deal with everything and promising me that it takes time and here you are now contradicting yourself because you want everything to revert back to the way it was a month ago!"

"I'm just frustrated, Nick!"

"We both are! You weren't in that box suffering!"

"No, I wasn't. I was here watching you suffer! Did you ever take a minute to think of how that affected me?"

"Of course, I did!"

"Past tense, Nicky? Really nice, because I'm pretty sure the affects are in the present." Greg said with a hard tone.

"Are we honestly fighting about this?" Nick said to him.

"Do you even know what I though that night when you put the gun to your chin?"

"No, I don't."

"Exactly because you never asked and I was too busy caring for you to even ask me."

"You didn't need to ask all you had to do was tell me!"

"No because it is so horrible and selfish that I didn't want you to know until you were better!"

"What was it? Huh, you actually wanted me to go through with it and kill myself?" Nick yelled as a joke. Greg just stared at Nick, tears building in his eyes.

"Did you?" Nick asked angrily. "Did you want me to kill myself?"

Greg remained silent.

"Thank you so much for having confidence in me!" Nick yelled and walked out of the room and slammed the door shut. Catherine jumped.

"Nick?" Catherine asked and Nick just waved at her as he kept walking.

Catherine looked through the window and saw Greg still standing there. He was crying harder. He looked around the room and right into her eyes. He shook his head and collapsed to the ground in a sobbing fit. Catherine moved right into her role as a mother and best friend. She walked over to him and fell to the ground next to him and scooped hi up into a large bear hug. His crying face buried in her bosom as she rubbed the back of his head careful to avoid the gelled hair on the top.

"I'm so fucked up." He sobbed.

"No you aren't baby, you're just confused." Catherine whispered into his ear as he let it all out.

"I love him so much."

"I know you do sweetheart."

"I just want to be happy again!" more tears rolled down his face and down her shirt.

"I gave up on him, who does that? I can't forgive myself for wanting him too and I would certainly never forgive myself if he did."

"Greg, you need to be with him. He's angry, yes, but I think it's just a shock to his system that he hasn't been there for you like you were there for him."

"Catherine, I can't lose him."

"And you won't." Catherine whispered as she pulled his head up and cupped both her hands around his cheeks and stared into his eyes. "Now go and talk with him."

"Yes, Mom." Greg said sarcastically as he wiped his tears away.

She glared at him and he was on his way.

"I have enough to deal with Lindsay now these two. Screw me to the wall." Catherine said to herself as she got up off the floor and brushed herself off and dried the tears on her chest from Greg.

Greg walked aimlessly through the halls of the Crime Lab. His tears dried but threatening to return. He fiddled with his watch as he walked. He searched everywhere for Nick but there was no sign of him.

He then had an idea. Nick always ran to the same place when he was angry with Greg. He ran through the long front corridor and slammed opened the front doors. Giving his eyes a minute to adjust to the dark, he looked into the courtyard across the street and found Nick sitting in the same bench he sat when he found a pack of cigarettes in Greg's vest.

Greg walked over cautiously. He could feel the anger and sadness radiating off Nick.

"Babe?" Greg asked sitting next to him. Nick turned his head and looked at him. His glare was heart breaking.

"I'm sorry." Greg started.

"And that's it? I'm supposed to forget what you just told me?" Nick's tone was distant.

"Nicky, you stormed off before you even let me get a sentence out and explain what happened and what I thought." Greg said pleading his case.

"Explain then because I sure as hell want to know why my boyfriend wanted me to kill myself?"

"It's not like that, babe. I was so scared that night when we found out you were taken. My heart stopped that night. You mean the world to me. You are my everything. You came to me when no one was there. You showed me how much love is worth."

"Apparently not worth enough." Nick said coldly.

"Nicholas, can you please let me talk without making sarcastic commentary?" Greg asked.

He nodded his head.

"I understand you suffered. I've been there. I had my own DNA lab explode with me in it. I understand pain. I see it everyday I take my shirt off. I feel it every time I see fire, and I feel it when you touch my scars."

"Nice, you feel pain when I touch you!"

"Honey, you're twisting my words! I feel love when you touch me but when you touch me there I am reminded of the seven skin graphs, the peeling off of debris from my wounds, I feel the high I felt of the morphine. You are lucky enough to be emotionally scarred. The ants left no permanent marks on you like fire did me."

Nick looked into his eyes and saw Greg's pain and the tears in his eyes.

"I understand what it is like to want to give up. I allowed myself to let you go. I allowed myself to give up on finding you. Why? Because I had to."

"No you didn't." Nick said with a whine.

"Yes I did, because if didn't find you I would have to live a life without you. I wasn't ready for that so by giving you up I would be able to understand loss better. I never wanted you to do it. I told myself that it would be okay if you did for the sake of your suffering."

"I didn't want to die." Nick cried harder.

"And I didn't want you to die. Because without you, I have nothing." Greg cried harder to match Nick's sobs.

"Forgive me for giving up on you." Greg pleaded, his hand taking Nick's hand.

"I forgive you." Nick sobbed as he reached forward and kissed Greg chastely on the lips.

"I'll never give up on you again. My hearts promise." Greg whispered in Nick's ear and kissed his cheek. "Never." And with that Greg kissed Nick's lips more passionately.

"You're stuck with me." Nick whispered breaking the kiss then engaging it again.

"Good." Greg whispered as Nick kissed him.

**Read and Review please!!!**


	5. Fight of Your Life

_**Merge Into You**_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Spoilers**: Grave Danger mostly and bits of other season 1-5 episodes.

**Summary**: This is the sequel to "Love Is Not A Crime". I would advise reading that prior to this. This story takes place one month after Grave Danger. Nick and Greg move on past the events of Nick's kidnapping with a few setbacks and more lab drama will ensue!

**WARNING**: There is strong language in this chapter and some inferred violence.

Chapter Five: _**Fight of Your Life **_**  
**Date: July 1, 2005

Cause I don't need to be courageous today.  
If the world was crumbling down, I don't wanna be alone.  
NO, locked up in this place.  
I heard the world up, late night.  
Holding my breath tight, trying to keep my head on right.  
There's a chill in the air, nobody could care.  
How you're caught up in the fight of your life.  
_**Heard the World**_**, by O.A.R.**

Nick and Greg sat down at their kitchen table. The two sitting on one side facing Nick's parents who were seated across from them.

"Mom, Dad?" Nick started off. His nervousness for their reaction creeping into his tone of voice.

"What is it, Nicholas?" his mother asked with her strong Texan accent.

"Greg and I were talking earlier today about something concerning my recovery and I think that it is time you and Dad leave."

Jillian looked mortified. Bill went to open his mouth.

"I can't move on with you two here babying me and your presence reminds me of why I am actually here."

"Nicholas, we want to help you." Jillian said as she stared passively at her son.

"I understand that, Mom. I need to get through this on my own now. My relationship with Greg has suffered with you two being here." Nick said looking at his boyfriend.

"Is this about sex?" Bill asked, and Greg couldn't help but look surprised and kind of nauseated.

"No, Dad. This is not about sex. Greg and I have not had a chance to talk about the events of my kidnapping because it happened and you two were here in a heartbeat to care for me and you two kind of pushed Greg aside. No one cared for him because we were all to busy caring for me." Nick said clasping Greg's hand in his own.

"Nicholas, we had no idea." Jillian said.

"I know that is because I didn't understand that until recently." Again, the two meet eyes.

"Nicholas, we want to make sure you're okay." Jillian pleaded.

"I am okay, Mom. I can work again. I have Greg. I don't need you two her babying me anymore."

"Nicholas, we won't leave until we know for sure that you're going to be okay."

"Mom, Greg is more than capable to care for me. I don't need my mom and dad anymore. I need my boyfriend. We've survived this together but our relationship has taken hits because of it. We need to be alone."

"Nicky, please." Jillian started again.

"Jillian, the boy has made up his mind. Who are we to argue with that?" Bill said to his wife.

"Bill, he is your son! He needs us more than he needs Greg!" she said in anger to her husband. Greg looked shocked and tears were in his eyes.

He knew it wasn't because she disapproved of him as a person, she just found him to be an inadequate lover for her son. Greg felt his eye's sting at the burning tears getting ready to let lose. He sat there staring at Jillian Stokes. Hatred swelling in his heart as his hand clenched his pack of cigarettes, which he pulled out and started to light one.

Nick, who was also ready to rip his mother apart, diverted his eyes to the cigarette. "Greg, you know I hate it when you do that but if you must can you go outside please?"

Greg nodded and placed a kiss on Nick's head as he walked out.

"Mother, I don't even know where to begin." Nicholas said in a hard tone.

"I didn't mean it the way it came out though." Jillian started to make amends.

"Well, maybe when Greg, _my boyfriend_, comes back in you can explain to him what you meant by it. Jesus Christ, Mom, I thought you were okay with us being together. If anything I would have expected Dad to be uneasy and make the comments, no offense, Dad, but not you Mommy."

"Nick, it is not like I have not accepted the fact that you and Greg are together, because I have. Am I still uncomfortable with it, yes I am. Nicholas, I worry about you because you have had so many bad things happen to you in this job path you have chosen and I have yet to see the good."

"Mom, if you can't see the good then you're blinder that I thought. Look around, this is the good!" Nick said with a loud voice as he waved his arms around their kitchen. 'Greg is my good!"

"And Nick that is what worries me. What happens when you two break up?"

"Jillian, I think that is enough. Nick obviously is in love with Gregory and we need to let him live his life away from us. He has since he moved here and only now have we intruded and overstayed our welcome. It's time we return home. I have a job to return to and you have other children who need your attention." Bill said to his wife.

"Other children who weren't kidnapped!" Jillian said angrily.

"But other children who need their mother as well! Trish is alone in our big house."

"Bill, I don't care. I am not leaving my baby."

"Jill, you have left your baby. Nick is our second born. Your baby is at home in Dallas waiting for you."

"Dad's right, Mom. They need you too especially Trish. She's still young."

"They aren't you though, Nicky." His mom said tears filling her eyes.

"No, but they are your children. I'm just a son who lives far away. Like Paula, she lives an hour from you and Cisco."

"An hour is different then eighteen."

"That's if you drive." Nick smiled.

"Pancho, we'll leave tomorrow." Bill said putting his hand on his wife's hand.

"Bill?" she started to protest.

"No, Jillian, we are leaving." He said sternly.

Greg walked back into the kitchen. The strong smell of cigarette smoke followed his every move as he sat down next to Nick again. His eyes were red and they all knew he was crying.

"Greg, my parents and I just talked and they have decided to go home tomorrow." Nick said taking his lover's hand in his.

He nodded, avoiding the eyes that were all watching him.

"Greg, I must apologize. My comment was not out of dislike of you but out my love for my son." Jillian started.

"I know and I shouldn't have reacted by storming out of here."

"Greg, in past six or whatever months, I have grown to love you like a son. You are my boy's knight in shining armor and I couldn't be more thrilled to have you as a son-in-law, not by law or religion but by love." Bill said to Greg, and the waterworks began again.

"He is right, Greg. We both think of you that way. You're our family now." Jillian added.

"Thank you." Greg said as he gently wiped a tear from his eye. "Thank you."

"Mom and Dad, you two are the greatest and thank you." Nick smiled.

"Now we're heading upstairs to give you two some time alone." Bill said pulling himself and Jillian up. "We have to start packing."

Finally, the two were gone.

"Your parents really like me!" Greg said excitedly.

"They always have even before you they knew you were my boyfriend."

"They don't show it very well." Greg pointed out.

"They're republicans from Texas, what more could you have expected?" Nick chuckled.

Greg shrugged and got up. He walked over to the freezer and pulled out a gallon on Ben and Jerry's Fudge Brownie ice cream and grabbed two spoons from the cutlery drawer.

"I'm feeling an ice cream in bed with a good movie moment." Greg smiled as he waved the two spoons.

"I do too. Except I am picking the movie." Nick said as he got up.

"No way, you picked last time!" Greg argued.

"No, you did. Remember you picked Top Gun because you thought Tom Cruise was hot."

"That's right, I did." Greg laughed to himself. "I'm still picking."

"Screw you." Nick said sharply and stuck his middle finger out.

"Watch it or I won't share the ice cream."

"Fine, I won't share DNA with you." Nick said with a smile.

"One, that's gross and two, you wouldn't dare!"

Nick started laughing heavily as he led the way upstairs.

That night everything was as it should have been. The two fell asleep in each others arms. The empty gallon of ice cream laid abandoned on the floor by Greg's nightstand. Titanic's credits rolled on with Celine Dion singing "My Heart Will Go On". Nick's gun laid on the nightstand, not loaded and the safety on.

And for the nightlight was…off.

**So sorry about the delay in updating! Now that school has ended, updates will be faster getting up!! Thank you for your support of this story so far and I look forward to much more feedback! **

** Damien455**


	6. Somewhere Only We Know

_**Merge Into You**_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Spoilers**: Grave Danger mostly and bits of other season 1-5 episodes.

**Summary**: This is the sequel to "Love Is Not A Crime". I would advise reading that prior to this. This story takes place one month after Grave Danger. Nick and Greg move on past the events of Nick's kidnapping with a few setbacks and more lab drama will ensue!

**WARNING**: There is strong language in this chapter and some inferred violence.

Chapter Six: **Somewhere Only We Know****  
**Date: July 3, 2005

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.  
So if you have a minute why don't we go,  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything.  
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,  
Somewhere only we know.  
_**Somewhere Only We Know, Keane**_

Judge and Jillian Stokes were gone. Their absence was missed among the large house Greg and Nick shared. For the past month, they were accustomed to the chattering in the kitchen in the early morning as Jillian prepared breakfast. They were accustomed to Bill's getting up and going for a long run in the morning and coming home and showering while listening to country music, rather loudly in the bathroom. There was a silence of their absence; a silence the couple had missed in their presence.

"I don't understand this." Nick said to Greg that Sunday afternoon. Nick was lounging in the living room. He was stretched out on the large couch. He was wearing his glasses and he stared at Greg over the top of them. His worn out A&M tee shirt fitting his body more tightly as he gained more muscle mass over the years and a pair of navy blue sport shorts.

"What don't you understand? It's simple and it's in plain English." Greg said. Greg was curled up in the loveseat. He put down his Star magazine and looked at his boyfriend. Greg had a look of annoyance on his face. He was sweating lightly in the heat. His gray LVPD tee shirt had sweat stains under his arms as he sat there uncomfortable. He shifted his seat to fix his red sport shorts that were riding up into the nether region.

"Thank you, smart ass. I realized that but it makes no sense!" Nick said matching Greg's look of annoyance.

Greg threw down his magazine next to him and stood up. "Let me see it!" Greg marched over to the couch and grabbed Nick's legs and placed them up in the air as Greg sat down and put Nick's legs over his lap. Now the heat was killing him.

Greg was handed the piece of paper in Nick's hand. "Now let's go through this. What don't you understand?" Greg asked.

"I don't understand the second paragraph. It isn't making itself clear to me." Nick stated as he reached for his water bottle on the coffee table and took a long drink. He offered the bottle to Greg, who declined. "As a former DNA tech, I don't share drinks, ever."

"I'm not diseased." Nick protested with fake hurt in his voice.

"I know that. But you have germs and I don't want them." Greg said as he read over the paper.

"You kiss me?"

"Press the issue further, I won't be kissing you." Greg said smiling.

"Explain the paragraph to me!" Nick whined. He hated it when he couldn't understand something.

"It's a description of the use of CODIS in DNA recognition and matching. How many times have you used CODIS and you didn't know all of this. Are you sleeping on the job?"

"No, I just don't understand it. Why did you place it there and not as an introduction?" Nick asked.

"Because right after this paragraph it gets into the specifics and case examples. Did you not read the rest?"

"No, I got hung up on that paragraph." Nick said to his defense.

"Read the rest and it will make more sense." Greg reassured the older man.

"Thank you, lover." Nick smiled as he took the paper back.

Greg was trying to get published in a Forensic Journal for an article he had written on the use of CODIS in DNA technology and crime scene investigation.

"What time is it babe?" Nick asked.

Greg rolled his eyes and reached for Nick's cell phone that was on the coffee table. "It's ten after five."

"Do we really have to go to work tonight? It's going to be insane." Nick complained as he read Greg's article.

"I know. With official Fourth of July madness starting at midnight and going through the fifth, we are going to have a grand old time. Are you wearing red, white and blue tonight?"

"Is that a joke?" Nick said peering over his glasses again.

"No, I was being serious." Greg said with a smile.

Nick let out a chuckle and continued reading. "I like you better when you were cynical." Greg said give him a glare.

Nick stuck out his tongue. Greg rolled his eyes.

Greg pushed Nick's legs up off of him and got up. He stretched and walked into the kitchen. Nick hardly noticed as he continued reading.

Ten minutes had passed and Greg was still gone. Nick put he paper down on the coffee table with a smile and pulled his glasses from his face and placed them on the paper. He got up and made a face as he felt his shirt stick to the small of his back from sweat.

"We need air conditioning." Nick said to no one in particular as he walked into the kitchen and went over to the refrigerator and pulled another water bottle from the shelf and took a long drink.

He started towards the front hallway to the stairway when he heard their house phone ring. Nick let out a sigh of disapproval and went back into the kitchen to answer the phone. "Hello?"

Nick stood in the kitchen pacing around as he talked on the phone. Greg entered the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed in his work clothes. He had a pair of blue jeans on, with Converse sneakers and a white Oxford neatly tucked in. He looked at Nick with a look of, "Who is it?" and placed his CSI vest down on the island in the kitchen.

Nick finally hung up the phone and looked at his boyfriend. "That's Grissom. He needs us to come in right away. Swing Shift is in overdrive and their cases that have yet to be responded too have already been passed by Ecklie to graveyard."

'Stupid Swing fucks never do their jobs. They are probably too concerned with getting home for hotdogs and beer." Greg said annoyed.

"I'm going to shower quickly. You want to drive together or go separate?"

"We should probably go separate because we might be going solo tonight and with Sara still on maternity leave we are down a car."

"Alright. I'll see you at work?" Nick reached in for a kiss.

"Yes, sir! I'll see you there. I love you." Greg said as he kissed his lover goodbye.

Nick walked down the stairs to the first floor. He was nicely showered and ready for a night of mayhem. He cursed the heat as he walked into the kitchen. He wore blue jeans, black boots, and a black tee shirt that a little tight but he didn't mind and he knew no one else would. He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and grabbed his keys and was one foot out the door when he remembered he had to take his pills. He walked back into the house and went to the windowsill over the kitchen sink. He grabbed one orange bottle which was his antidepressant and took out two white pills and pocketed the second orange bottle of anxiety medication. A quick swallow later, he was on his way.

Nick arrived to the lab and parked in the closest spot to the door he could. He grabbed his CSI vest off his passenger seat and headed into the building with a quick swipe of his ID through the employee door and he was in the lab: his second home. Another swipe of his ID in a small machine by the door and it confirmed: _Stokes, Nicholas J. CSI: III. 18:23pm_. He was clocked in.

He made his way through the corridors of the lab before entering the break room. He put his anxiety medicine on the shelf of his locker next to a bottle of cologne and a tube of toothpaste. He glanced at the picture of Greg and closed the metal door.

He slung his vest over his shoulder as he walked to the break room. He saw Greg sitting at the table drinking a cup of iced coffee and talking with Warrick. Catherine was pacing on the phone. He entered the break room and placed a kiss atop Greg's head.

"Hey, there you are. I was beginning to worry." Greg smiled at the older man.

"Traffic on the Strip." Nick said as he sat beside his lover.

Catherine snapped her phone shut and sat down across from Nick next to Warrick. "Ecklie has a death sentence." Was all she said before Grissom walked in followed by Sara.

"Hey, Sara! Where's Elliot?" Warrick asked.

"Home with a babysitter, I am working tonight!" she said excitedly as she patted the gun on her hip.

"Oh shoot, that's what I forgot in my locker." Nick laughed to himself.

"Are you really working? Isn't that a bit soon?" Greg asked.

"When you become a father and are stuck on maternity leave and can't work and all you do is change diapers and breast feed and go to bed at 10:00 every night because you don't have to stay awake from eleven to eight in the morning. However, when you have a child all you are is awake and you miss adult conversation and more importantly, you miss your gun."

"Sara, welcome back and not a minute too soon." Warrick laughed. Greg blushed.

"Okay, assignments people. Remember we're covering for the Swing Shift then we're getting into our graveyard shift. Warrick and I have a B & E then we're starting graveyard. Catherine, you and Greg have 419 with possibility of a missing persons. Lastly, Sara and Nick, you two have a 419 x2." Grissom said as he handed out the call sheets of each case.

Each team member took their respective sheets and was on their way. Sara gave a peck on Grissom's cheek and headed towards the locker room. Nick smiled at Greg and kissed his chastely on the lips. "I love you", Nick whispered. "I love you too", Greg said as he went on his way with Catherine.

Nick climbed into the passenger seat of Sarah's brand new Denali. "Are you sure you want to drive?" Nick asked. "Yes, Nick I am sure. Stop doing this, stop acting like Grissom. The all concerned tone about me. I popped out a child, I'm not mentally retarded."

"Sorry." was all Nick could say as she drove away.

"Sara, do you think I can ask you a question?" Nick asked five minutes into the ride.

"Sure, what's up?"

"What is it like being a parent?"

Sara looked at him and smiled. "It is amazing. You realize that you are now responsible for someone else. It can be daunting but if you approach it right you learn to understand that children truly are our future and there is so much you learn but at the same time there is so much you have to teach!"

"How is Grissom with Elliot?" Nick asked as Sara made a left turn.

"He is amazing. It was weird at first seeing him be all "child-like" with him but it's amazing, really. Gil has a big heart."

Nick smiled lightly as he looked out the window. "Why the twenty questions, Nick?"

"Oh, nothing; I was just wondering is all."

"Nick, again, I am not mentally retarded. Are you thinking about having a child with Greg?" she asked.

"Don't be ridiculous. Two men cannot have a child together, didn't you take biology?" Nick joked trying to avoid he question.

"Nick, I am being serious." Sara looked at him long and compassionately. "I'm your friend, you can tell me."

"The thought of having a family with Greg has crossed my mind. I mean, we have a huge house and I would love to have little feet running around. I want a family so bad. A family that I have to look after all my own; I don't want to be Uncle Nick anymore. I want to be Daddy."

"That's really cute, Nick, really. I think it is great that you and Greg want to have a family."

"Greg doesn't know about this just yet. I haven't told him."

"Why not?" Sara asked as she pulled in front of their destination.

"I haven't told him because he just became a level one and now he's trying to prove he can be a level two and with my sanity being questionable. It just doesn't seem realistic to me."

"Nick, no one is sane enough to have a child. Two, ask him and you might be pleasantly surprised. He might share the same dream you do."

"Thank you, Sara." Nick smiled as he looked at the yellow tape and the flashing lights.

The two criminalists walked to the yellow tape and with a flash of their lab badges they passed through. Nick and Sara walked the front pathway to the door where they were greeted by Jim Brass.

"Stokes, Sidle, are you ready for this?" he asked.

"I know that tone, Jim. What's up?" Sara asked as she glanced into the doorway and saw a man covered in blood standing next to a patrol officer.

"This is Richard Bryant. He confessed to the murders of Maria and Hector Hernandez, both 47 and both are upstairs in their bedroom." Jim said reading off his notepad.

"So he killed them and he's here. That makes our job easier." Nick said.

"All we need to do is collect the evidence and that's it." Sara said.

"Oh and he already called his lawyer and she is flying here from Washington D.C. He's from there, here in Vegas visiting."

"Oh, when did he call his lawyer?" Stokes asked staring at the man.

"When he killed them. Six hours ago." Brass said.

"Wait, that means his lawyer is potentially already in Vegas." Sara said.

"Or coming this way." Brass said noticing a woman in a black pants suit, black heels, a white blouse and her long brown hair was pulled into a tight ponytail. She had a briefcase in one hand and a handbag around her free elbow.

Nick and Sarah looked at the woman coming their way. "Her ponytail looks painful." Sara joked. Nick's jaw dropped. "Nick, I know she's kind of good looking but come on, you have a boyfriend."

"Sara, that's my sister." Nick said as he blinked a few times and make sure he wasn't going insane…again.

"Nicholas!" the woman said as she ran up the front steps and pulled her brother into a hug. Sara was speechless and Jim Brass stared and leaned in to Sara, "Ex?"

"Worse, she's his sister." Sara whispered back.

"Abby, it is so good to see you! You should have called when you found out you were coming to Vegas."

"I would have but I thought you would be at the ranch for Mom and Dad's Fourth of July extravaganza?"

"No, they left here two day ago after a month." Nick said smiling at his oldest sister.

"Oh, Sara this is Abby Harris my oldest sister and Abby this is Sara Sidle-Grissom, one of my coworkers and this is Detective Jim Brass."

"Nice to meet you all, now to dive into why I am here. Where is Richard?" she asked.

"Right over there." Brass pointed to Richard in the doorway and she nodded and went into the house.

"That's your sister? The one no one ever talks about?" Sara asked.

"It's not that no one talks about her, she just never has time to talk to us. Her husband is a Texan Senator and she's a defense attorney. They moved to DC about six years. She is very influential. We should be worried."

"Nick, you're off this case." Sara said in Grissom like fashion.

"What do you mean I am off this case?" Nick asked flabbergasted obviously not seeing the conflict of interest right in front of this face.

"The opposing council is your sister!" Sara said with a sharp tongue.

"Alright, I would like Richard taken to the precinct." Abby Harris said coming out of the house.

Jim nodded his agreement and went side stepped into the house. "Nick, you of course remembers Richard don't you?"

"Should I remember Richard?" Nick asked with a laugh.

"His sister, Jennifer, babysat us when Mom and Dad were at the Court function years ago. God, I think I was fourteen."

"And I was nine." Nick said his eyes darting the man in handcuffs.

"Sara, you're right. I am off this case." Nick said and gave a fake smile and walked off to make a phone call.

Out of view of his coworker and sister he reached for his bottle of pills. He took two and swallowed, as his anxiety overtook him.

**Review please!!!**


	7. Full of Grace

_**Merge Into You**_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Spoilers**: Grave Danger mostly and bits of other season 1-5 episodes.

**Summary**: This is the sequel to "Love Is Not A Crime". I would advise reading that prior to this. This story takes place one month after Grave Danger. Nick and Greg move on past the events of Nick's kidnapping with a few setbacks and more lab drama will ensue!

**WARNING**: There is strong language in this chapter and some inferred violence.

Chapter Seven: _**Full of Grace**_ **  
**Date: July 3-4, 2005

I feel just like I'm sinking  
And I claw for solid ground  
I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
Oh darkness I feel like letting go…  
_**Full of Grace**_**, Sarah McLachlan**

The world was spinning around him. He was nauseous. The urge to vomit was strong once again. He could still taste the stomach acid in his mouth from the last three times he had done it. His head was pounding. This wasn't happening. It was all a dream he keeps telling himself. His breathing was strong and rugged. He couldn't get a breath out without the urge to cry. He had done that too; his eyes bloodshot and red from the out pouring of tears. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be alone. He wanted, for the first and last time, to have died in that box in the ground. The pain was raw and real.

And the voice inside his head kept asking him: "Are you going to survive this?"

Nick stands up from the floor of the lab bathroom. He flushes the remains of his vomit down the toilet and opens the stall door and goes right to the mirror. Without looking at himself, he turned the sink and brought water to his lips. He swished and spit. He took water to his face and finally looked up. His eyes were red and his cheeks were streaked. He blindly reached for a paper towel and wiped his face. He looked normal again.

He walked out of the restroom and headed towards Grissom's office. He had to escape. He had to get out of this place. As he walked he saw Catherine and Greg processing in the layout room. Neither looked up at him; he walked right by.

He walked by all his coworkers at one point or another but no one noticed him in his furious walk. He knocked on Grissom's door and didn't wait for an answer. He walked right in.

"Hey Nick, what can I do for you?" Grissom asked as he put down a forensic journal and looked at the younger CSI.

"I need to go home. I need to go home right now." Nick said looking into the glassed eyes of his friend and supervisor.

Grissom looked at Nick. He looked him up and down. Nick was sweating, but it was cold in the lab. Nick's eyes were glassy and tearing as he stood there looking at him. His strong hands were shaking. His chest was moving rather fast and he could hear wheezing. He noticed vomit on Nick's tee shirt and bulge in Nick's front pocket…his pills. He put his hands together and leaned forward and looked at Nick.

"I need all my CSIs tonight. We have a lot of cases to go through. I understand Nick that you want to go home and for whatever reason that is, I understand. Therefore, go home Nick and get some rest. You look like you need it."

Nick nodded and muttered his thanks and started to turn away before Grissom stopped him. "Nick, Sara told me your sister is in town."

He turned around, "Yeah, she is."

"You don't need me to remind you that you cannot speak specifics with her."

"I know, Grissom." Grissom nodded, "Go get some sleep, Nicky."

**Five Hours Later **

Greg walked into a dark house. He was so furious, he didn't know what to say. How dare Nick leave and not tell him! Where was the communication? Where was the honesty? Where was the love!? He threw his CSI vest down hard on the kitchen table and went in search of his boyfriend.

He angrily switched the light on in the kitchen as he made his way towards the living room. His eyes were darting the room looking for any clue as to what Nick had done while he was home. He noticed the door to the liquor cabinet was open under their kitchen counter.

Rolling his eyes, he walked into the living room and made an annoyed glare and shook his head and what literally lied before him.

Nick was passed out on the couch fully clothed. His gun lay on the coffee table. Greg picked the gun up and noticed the safety was off and a bullet in the barrel. Panicked, he peered over Nick's incapacitated body and search for gun wounds: nothing. Thanking the heavens, he looked at Nick again. On the floor laid an empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Greg bought the bottle two days before.

The throw pillow under Nick's head had tear stains on it. Greg knew something was seriously up. Nick doesn't drink hard alcohol ever. He was a beer man. Greg had to admit he wasn't surprised by Nick's choice in drink. Whisky is a drink for Texans.

Greg kicked his shoes off his feet and took his oxford shirt off and reached for Nick's head. He lifted the wasted man's head and pillow and slipped onto the couch and put Nick's head in his lap. He was crying himself now. He started to stroke Nick's hair as the tears flowed from his face.

"Why is everything so fucked up?" Greg asked the quiet room.

"I'm sorry." Nick muttered in his drunk sleep.

Greg looked at the sleeping man, "It's not your fault."

"It's my entire fault. I am so hard on you and you break so easily. You were strong and now it's my entire fault." Nick muttered. Greg was confused. He stared lovingly at his boyfriend before he heard Nick's faint snores again.

Nick awoke to the worst hangover he has ever had. He wasn't into hard alcohol. It just wasn't his scene. He lifted his head off the pillow and look up at Greg was slumped over asleep. He closed his eyes for a minute and retraced his night. It all came flooding back to him. "Fuck."

Nick walked quietly into kitchen and poured himself a glass of water from the sink and drank slowly as he looked out the window at the early morning sunlight. His brown eyes took it all in as he saw the garbage truck coming down their street.

He placed his glass of water in the sink and headed towards the garage. He opened the door and saw their cars but not garbage cans. Greg brought them out. Nick smiled.

Nick walked quietly through their rather warm house. There was so much that he had to talk to Greg about but he needed to detox and Greg needed to sleep. He went upstairs into their bedroom and immediately went to his dresser. He glanced at a more recent photo of the family during the Easter Holiday. His mother sat in the middle with his father standing behind her with his hand on her shoulder. They were all smiles. To the left of Bill was Nick and Alexandra, with the much shorter Trish in front of them. To Bill's right was Dan, Paula, and Melanie with Abby in front. It was the Stokes clan and rightfully so. Nick's eyes lingered on the image of Abby. She was all smiles. She was the "black sheep" of the family without ever having done anything wrong. She ran off and married Mark Harris, who was then a lawyer whom she worked for. She was twenty-six. She was pregnant with the twins, Lucy and Molly at twenty-seven. She made partner at twenty eight and popped out Mark Jr. At thirty-two when Mark, then forty, won a seat in the United States Senate they moved to Washington. There she worked got a position at the Department of Justice as a defense attorney analyst but also goes to court for clients on a need be basis. She popped out Amanda at thirty-three, and Charles at thirty-five.

The phrase "black sheep" meant simply that she was often incommunicado with the rest of the family. Calling rarely and visiting was even more rare. She never came to Las Vegas to see Nick or sent him a card: just a quick voicemail on the way to her daughter's play. She was often a sister only when it was convenient for her. She had changed. She was no longer the loving older sister that Nick adored. She was a stranger. He felt like the only thing he had in common with her was lineage and even that was questionable at times.

A sigh of frustration, Nick pulled out his running clothes and proceeded to get dressed. He needed to escape. He needed a break.

It as half past eight when Nick returned from his run. He was sweating profusely and was in need of a nice shower to help him relax more. The run had caused him to think about everything and it was refreshing to him that he had a sense of understanding about the situations before him. He kicked his shoes off and walked through the house and stuck his head in the living room where Greg was still fast asleep. He looked so peaceful; almost like an angel.

Nick let out a troubled sigh and went right to the coffee maker. Within fifteen minutes, Nick was sitting outside in their backyard sipping his black coffee. The steam rising and swirling before him.

He heard the glass slider open and close and he looked up to see Greg carrying a cup in his hand. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked exhausted. He looked at the older man and sat down next to him. Greg eyed him as Nick looked right into his eyes. The unspoken tension was evident. Greg pulled out a cigarette and lit it and took a deep inhale. Nick sat still.

"Do you want to tell me why I came home, worried mind you because you left work and I didn't know that you left, and found you drunk off an entire bottle of whiskey?" Greg started the conversation as the smoke exhaled out of Greg's nostrils.

"Did Sara tell you about the case we were working?" Nick asked as he sipped his coffee. He noticed Greg's coffee was black. He never drank black coffee; that was Nick's thing. Greg loved his three sugars and half and half.

"I heard bits and pieces. I know that the killer confessed and stuck around and called his lawyer from D.C. and she came. That's all I know." He puffed.

"His lawyer is Abby, as in my sister." Nick said looking out at the yard.

"Abby? Abby is here?" Greg said shocked.

"Yeah and she is defending this guy who killed these people. He stood there at their home covered in their blood. The sick bastard stared at me and Sara like we were idiots."

"You left because Abby is the defender?" Greg asked trying to get a clear picture.

"No that is not why." Nick laughed.

"Don't laugh at me because I don't understand." Greg said defensively. Nick stared at him. Greg looked away and puffed.

"His name is Richard Bryant. He and Abby were really good friends in high school. They were like best friends. They were voted prom king and queen their senior year. I was a freshmen. He was a nice guy. He always treated me like an individual not as Abby's little brother. This was before I made my claim to fame as a football star, so I was picked on by a lot of upperclassmen but Richard always looked after me. When they were fourteen my dad was just elected to the Texas Supreme Court and his sister, Jennifer, who was two years older than him and Abby agreed to baby-sit us while my Mom and Dad were at a party. I was nine years old." Nick said to his lover. He felt tears start to sting his eyes.

"That was the night, she molested you wasn't it? Is that why you removed yourself from the case because of who his sister was?"

"Yeah, I couldn't bear the thought of seeing Jennifer again. The pain is too real."

"Nicky, I thought her name was Jane? That was what you called her." Greg looked at him.

"I called her Jane because that is what we call women we don't know. Jane Doe. She is my Jane Doe. The woman I don' know. The woman who took from me what I can never get back. I remember after everything was done and over with she kissed me on the forehead and said, "Our little secret", and she went downstairs to watch television. I sat on my bed and cried and waited for my Mom to come home. When she did, I cried and she sat with me and held me and I kept saying over and over again, that I was sorry and that it was all my fault and that I had a bad dream. And now almost twenty-five years later I know that it wasn't a bad dream but a living nightmare." Tears were flowing heavily down his face as Greg looked at him.

Greg reached across the table and held his hand. He understood the meaning of Nick's drunken speech. He was at a loss of words. He knew not what to say to Nick to make him feel alright. It was obviously something that wouldn't be alright.

"I thought I was over it. How come so many bad things have happened to me in thirty-three years. I have been stalked and thrown out a window, I was buried alive and almost killed myself. I was molested at nine years old. I was held at gunpoint. I was a suspect in the murder of a hooker I fucked on the whim to feel something other than hatred. I have lived a life of self-hatred since that night she molested me. I fell in love with you and I hated myself more. Not because I loved you but because I thought you could never love me."

"Nick, I love you more and more each day. You were a gift that I received when pretty much all else was going down hill for me. I was drowning in depression and anti-depressants because of the lab explosion and you saved me. You were there for me when my dad died. You saved me and now you have to let me save you."

"I don't think I can be saved." Nick said almost with an air of pride.

"Everyone can be saved. We saved you from the hell Gordon put you through. We can certainly save you from this, baby." Greg said lightly as he pulled his chair closer to Nick until he was behind Nick. He wrapped his arms around the older man and placed his head on his shoulder and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too."


	8. Just the Way You Are

_**Merge Into You**_

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Spoilers**: Grave Danger mostly and bits of other season 1-5 episodes.

**Summary**: This is the sequel to "Love Is Not A Crime". I would advise reading that prior to this. This story takes place one month after Grave Danger. Nick and Greg move on past the events of Nick's kidnapping with a few setbacks and more lab drama will ensue!

**WARNING**: There is strong language in this chapter and some inferred violence.

Chapter Eight: _**Just the Way You Are **_**  
**Date: July 4, 2005

Don't go changing, to try and please me  
You never let me down before   
Don't imagine you're too familiar  
And I don't see you anymore   
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble  
We never could have come this far  
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times   
I'll take you just the way you are

_**Just the Way You Are; Billy Joel **_

Nick was sitting at the kitchen table sorting out the mail that had gone unread over the past few weeks. Bills for utilities, bank statements, credit card payments, junk mail, Get Well cards, coupons were all sorted out before him. He read his American Express statement and rolled his eyes. He knew he liked to swipe that card but this was too much.

He pushed his chair back and headed towards their office in the north corner of their home. He glanced at the kitchen clock and made a mental note that Greg has been gone for thirty-three minutes. Greg went to the store to pick up hamburgers and hot dogs. They were having a Fourth of July barbeque for their team and then they would all head into work together…as a family.

He went into the office. It was a big room with two desks. His was in front of the window facing the street and Greg's was in the corner by the door. Their computers were on and their screensavers rolling around. Nick's desk was perfect as a result of his touch of OCD. Everything was neatly organized. Greg's on the other hand was covered in papers, textbooks and forensic journals. Their bookcase was crammed with forensic journals and textbooks, their textbooks from their college days and other reading materials. Hung proudly on the wall were their degrees. Nick's Criminal Justice degree and his creative writing minor certificate. It was a hidden passion of his…writing. Greg had three. His bachelors (in chemistry), his minor (biology) and his Masters in Chemistry.

He went over to his desk and opened (an organized) drawer and pulled out his checkbook. They shared everything together. They shared love, a house, a bed, and a financial account. Though the two had their own checking and savings accounts with their respective banks, they also shared a joint account where half of their monthly checks went into. Nick would pay his pricey Amex bill with his own money.

Fifteen minutes later, Greg came rushing through the garage door, three bags in his hands. "How was the store?' Nick asked as he got up to help Greg.

"Fucking Miserable. I swear to god that everyone and their dead colonial ancestors were at Stop and Shop!"

"Did you get the relish? We have none left." Nick asked as he put the thawing hamburgers in the fridge.

"Yeah, it's in that bag on the counter. Paying bills, I see?" Greg laughed at his boyfriend.

"Yeah, especially my favorite Amex bill!" Nick exclaimed sarcastically.

"That is why I carry cash not plastic. How much?"

"Almost eight hundred." Nick laughed. Greg rolled his eyes as he put more things away from his grocery adventure.

"What time is the team coming by?" Nick asked.

"They should be here around four. Sara has to leave at nine to get Elliot to the babysitter." Greg said.

Nick smiled at his lover. Thoughts of children fluttered about his brain as he watched Greg parade around the kitchen. Ever since he was young the thought of being a father brought much strength and happiness to him. As he grew older and delved more into forensics the thoughts dissipated with the violence and hate he saw everyday. That night when and he and Greg became a "we" the thoughts returned. Greg would be a great father and that was something Nick wanted to see happen but the reality of his near death experience scared those thoughts again. Was he stable enough to have a child? Something bad happened and the alcohol and thoughts of suicide were still fluttering.

"I bought another bottle of Jack Daniels. If you plan on drinking the whole bottle again, let me know and I'll join you so the alcohol intake won't be as high." Greg said sardonically. "And can you believe Mario carded me? I've been going there since I moved to Vegas and I still get carded."

"He's just doing his job. I got carded for the spray paint for the back fence two weeks ago." Nick laughed, "And I'm going to be thirty-four!"

The two broke out into a laughter which filled their home.

**A Few Hours Later….**

The Graveyard Shift of the Las Vegas Crime Lab was gathered in the backyard of their teammates Nick and Greg. Grissom and Catherine were bickering over chips and salsa, all smiles. Warrick was flirting with his girlfriend, Tina, who he brought along over the grill where he was cooking hamburgers and hot dogs and draining a beer. Prior to the party, Grissom made a decree that alcohol intake was to not exceed two beers per person and no hard liquor was allowed.

Nick was lying on a blanket under a tree in the yard with Lindsay and Elliot who was busy playing with his toys. Nick was smiling as he played with him and did his baby voice.

Greg and Sara sat on the deck and watched their respectable love ones play under the tree. "He's really good with kids." Sara said to Greg, who was downing a cigarette.

"Yeah, he is. He loves them." Greg smiled to his friend. When it came to friendships in the lab, Greg was best friends with Sara. The two always spent more time together. Warrick had Nick but that friendship started to fade when Nick and Greg got together and Warrick was subtlety replaced by Catherine. They were all best friends but some were better than others.

"Have you two thought about kids?" Sara asked. She knew Nick's answer and now she wanted Greg's answer.

"I have. I always have ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a father. It's weird though, I have no experience expect for when I babysat my brother years ago. Nick has the whole Uncle thing with Abby's kids, but I don't know if we're ready yet."

"Why wouldn't you two be ready?" Sara asked as she reached across and grabbed Greg's cigarette and took a puff. Greg looked at her and than at Grissom, who was in animate conversation with Catherine. 'Our little secret." Greg smiled.

"Answer the question, Gregory!"

"I don't think he is ready for it. He is too troubled right now to be a father. He's still on anxiety and depression drugs, he got drunk off a whole bottle of Jack Daniels, brand new mind you, last night and had a loaded gun with the bullet in the barrel by his side last night. He's lost and he needs to find his way."

"Maybe you should bring this up to him. I mean if you tell him you want a family maybe he'll work on getting better so you two can have that family."

"Being a mother has made you the wise one hasn't it?"

"Don't knock parenthood." Sara smirked. "On a darker note, I know about Nick and this Bryant guy."

"What do you know?" Greg asked cautiously, glancing his gaze at Nick was playing airplane with Elliot. His purple lenses on his aviators meeting her dark lenses.

"Bryant not only called Abby when he killed this family. He called his sister, Jennifer. Jennifer came to the lab early this morning and asked for Nick. Judy told her he wasn't in and she asked for your address. Judy didn't give it out, so don't worry but she told me that this lady was looking for Nick and asked for the address. I looked her up, suspiciously of course. You know me. She's trouble, Greg."

"I know." Greg said.

"She was arrested and convicted of sexual assault and risk of injury to a minor in 1984. Her victim was twelve; he killed himself in '85. She was sentenced to seven years in prison but was given a suspended sentence and put on seven year probation instead. In '86, she violated the terms of her probation, this time with a seven year old and was put in prison for seven years plus the remainder of her previous sentence not served on probation; a combined total of twelve years. She was released in '98 and moved to Washington DC with her brother."

"Oh my god." Greg said immediately grabbing his cigarettes. Shakily, he lit a cigarette. "Do you think she'll come here?"

"I don't know. We can't give out your personal information but Abby can. Nick was a victim wasn't he?" She removed her sunglasses to show her eyes and Greg knew she had best intentions. He could see it in her chocolate eyes: her empathy.

"Yeah, when he was nine. It scarred him."

Sara looked into his eyes and nodded her understanding. "That explains his passion for cases involving children and don't worry my lips are sealed."

"Thank you, only you, me and Catherine know and I think he's ashamed. He never came to terms with it, you know? How do you understand something like that?"

"I know where he's coming from though. Remember the case with the Russian girl who was buried in tar? The case where I made that comment to Catherine?"

"Yeah, the lab was talking about that for at least a week." Greg nodded.

"Well, we thought abusive husband and it ripped me apart inside."

'Were you married before and abused?" Greg asked not knowing.

"No, I've been lucky to have never been abused physically. I had my share of mental abuse growing up in foster care."

'You were in foster care?"

"Yeah, my father was abusive towards my mother. He hit her constantly and for no good reason. My mother than stabbed him to death when I was eleven. I remember seeing his dead body lying in his marriage bed and my mother being carted off to an insane asylum. She was given thirty-three years in prison following a stint in the asylum. You are the only other person here who knows besides Gil." Behind her sunglasses, tears were forming.

"You mentioned mental abuse?"

"The other kids at school made comments to me, mean things, because my mother killed my father. I was the girl who had a dead father and a murderer mother."

"I'm sorry." Greg said taking her hand in his.

"Don't be. I heard that all the time from social workers, friends, family members but I need your apologies. My father needs them because he's been dead twenty-two years. My mother needs them because it was her only way out. I'm not sorry. I used it as motivation to become something neither of them was. I went to Harvard, damn it."

"And you're one of the strongest people I know." Greg smiled.

Nick picked Elliot up and carried up to the deck. Lindsay was following behind him.

"I think he's hungry!" Nick said to Sara, who sighed and stood up. "Mind if I use your living room?"

"Go for it."

Greg said to his friend as Nick handed over the fussy infant. 'Hey, love!" Nick smiled and pecked Greg on the cheek and took a seat.

"What were you and Sara talking about? It looked pretty intense." Nick asked as he sat back in Sara's now vacant chair.

"Nothing important just girl stuff." Greg said.

"Really, like what? Which celebrity male you want to do dirty things too?" Nick joked lightly.

"Yeah, and we then decided that tonight we are going to braid our hair and watch movies with French subtitles." Greg smirked while rolling his eyes. Nick let out a heavy chuckle. _Trust me won't you don't know won't hurt you_, Greg thought to himself.

"Want another beer?" Nick asked as Greg put his can to his lips and found it was empty.

"Yes, please!" Greg smiled and Nick nodded and headed towards the cooler on the other side of the deck. "And maybe a tranquilizer." Greg said to himself under his breath.

Greg sat in silence as he stared at his closest friends. His mind focusing on their movements. Warrick's arm around Tina. Catherine's laughter with Lindsay. Grissom sitting in his chair sipping a beer. Sara inside breastfeeding Elliot and Nick's walk to the cooler. Each movement is defined; normal for the doer.

And Greg just sat there, as if on the sidelines. Feelings of being powerless overwhelming him, hatred for his lover's abuser and feelings of grief over everything he has yet to achieve: a family.

And more importantly the love he has for a certain Texan with a big heart…

**So sorry this is late. Things have been crazy! Please Review**!!!


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